My "golden rule of democracy" could then be "make laws for others as you would have made laws for you", but I don't want laws made for me. That is more like "the golden rule for tyrants".
This leads me to a different sort of golden rule. Something like "you should not make laws limiting another's freedom any sooner than you would have laws made by another to limit your own freedom". To paraphrase - "Do not rule over others any more than you wish to be ruled over".
What happens when we break the conventional golden rule? When we behave in a manner towards others that we would not tolerate if they behaved that way towards us, we invariably have problems. Other's see us as at least "anti-social" and at worst criminal.
A government has the ability to elicit the opinions of its constituents or not. But this is not the same as democracy. A government can listen and then ignore what the constituents say (most modern democracies don't even listen). The fairness comes from the way that the measure of the opinion becomes the law.
For example, a referendum is often considered more fair than a law imposed by an elected body. Imagine as well that you could take part in the writing of the law and controlling the funding of the program that implements it. The more participation you have (or at least potentially have), the more fair you will perceive the system. It's also quite possible that you will be more likely to honor the law.
If we measure most modern democracies with the golden rule of democracy in the same way we would measure the behavior of a person with the conventional golden rule, we see that most modern democracies are abjectly anti-social. All our voting does is elect our tyrants. It only very peripherally reflects the golden rule. It's certainly not fair.
Imagine the reaction of a country going from a dictatorship to democracy. They start with no political parties, and a government that imposes laws based on the equivalent of a single political party. With the progression to a democracy, you have multiple political parties that compete and often a single political party that gains power in an election. This single political party then imposes laws. What's the difference? You just exchange one sort of tyranny for another.
Electing a party gives the marginal benefit in that the party must try to implement laws people like or they'll not win the next election. Unfortunately, that means that laws are sometimes written only to reelect a party or candidate. Those laws could end up being completely different from laws created from active participation and a careful measure of consensus.
This "representation instead of democracy" is the root of many problems we see in the world. We see corruption, the imposition of laws based on the opinion of a select group, or just plain tyranny.
Currently, our democratic systems reward those that covet power. This type of person is often even less likely than average to empathize and produce laws that respect the opinions of constituents. A democratic system that keeps such people from power and instead promotes a universal perception of fairness is more likely to create a kind of social harmony.
If each of us can see clearly that the laws are created with the careful consideration of everyone's opinion, including our own participation and that of our culture, it is more likely we will accept those laws. We'll do so for the same reason that the conventional golden rule encourages social harmony - your reflection on how you'd like to be treated helps you to gain the good-will of others.
So what am I trying to say? We need to design a new type of democracy. One that's participatory and does not marginalize anyone. Where each person sees clearly how he contributes. Where each person can participate as much or as little as he wants. It still has to have all the earmarks of good government. It still has to administer a public service. It still has to have laws, enforcement, and courts. It still has to have taxation and budgets. But all of these aspects of government have to flow from everyone rather than someone.
The root of this new democracy has to be fairness; fairness and the knowledge that when we break the golden rule, we make that government and society fundamentally less effective.
If we are to have peace in this world, every single person on the planet has to perceive their democracy as fair. The golden rule has to apply.